She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
