ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
