guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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