Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
