at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize