ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
