I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
