So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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