That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
