He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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