I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
