just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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