I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize