Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize