I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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