Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
