He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize