My brain says no but my pants say off.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
