I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
