New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He passed out mid-signature
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is Oprah even human
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
