she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize