He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
