NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
