shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
