Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
