what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
