that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she looked like the before picture.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
