i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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