I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
