this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize