She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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