so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
