He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
