i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
