tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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