Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
