Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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