I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think my moral compass just broke
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
