oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize