I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
