if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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