What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
