The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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