So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
