I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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