We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
