I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
