He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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