It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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