omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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