Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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