I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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