Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
