After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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