Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
