party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
