I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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