Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
