I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so let's talk penis.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
