and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
