Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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