I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
send nudes
from the living room?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
