i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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