who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize