She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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