Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
