Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
