We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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