You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
