I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
