I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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