Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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