Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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