Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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