He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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