Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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