When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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