Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
