a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
