Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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