Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize