i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
