She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
