I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize