I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
