is your mom at the bar?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
